More of My Story

Wow! First of all, let me say that I am so amazed by the responses I've gotten. It's amazing how you decide to share something that's been on your heart and right away you connect with more people just like you. I love it!

So, here's a little bit more about me. For the previous post, click here. 

I was counting down the days until school was done.  During that time, I found every excuse to skip youth group, hung out with my best friend, and cried myself to sleep.

I was not--and I am not-- a perfect teen. I realize that I did some things that might have made the other girls start avoiding me. I’m opinionated, and my school was full of opinionated people, which is usually not a good combination. I was also a good student. Maybe I intimidated others, though that was not my intent. There’s also the girl kingdom to consider. In the girl kingdom, when one girl decides she doesn’t like you, she’ll convince others to not like you. That might have been what happened in my situation. Regardless, it happened.

We did talk to my teacher, and she was able to ask the girls why they were avoiding me like the plague. They said I was opinionated, always thought I was right, and I didn’t mind saying so. There probably was some truth in what they said. I can admit that I might have been like that. But honestly, I don’t really remember talking much around the girls at all because I didn’t want to make them mad. Nonetheless, I decided to change. Every time I was with them, I didn’t say when I disagreed. I just smiled and nodded. And counted the days until I was out of there.

I hadn’t turned my back on God, but I started pulling away. I was ashamed. I hated everything about myself and my school. I didn’t feel anything when I went to church, and I didn’t really like going. I wanted to hurt myself because I thought it would be a release, yet I couldn’t bring myself to do it--I felt like a failure. I was aching so bad inside. Honestly, I would’ve been glad if one morning I just didn’t wake up.

Then came the first ray of hope. Maybe the first time I felt God in a long time.  My dad got offered a job in another city. After a lot of payer, and actually turning the job down two times, my dad accepted.  I thought my problems were over. In a few months, I was going to be able to move away to people who didn't know me. I was happy. But the happiness didn't last very long. Hell got a lot worse.

That's not the end of my story, but that's where I'll stop for today.  Thanks for reading, and again, I'd love to hear from you. If you're going through hell, or if hell just got hotter, please find someone you can talk to and comment here if you like.  Also, if you or someone you know might like to do a guest post, I'd be really open to that.

Love,

Jyllenna